sims_perry (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} sims_perry) wrote,@ 2006-01-11 00:39:00 |
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Looking Back
To really understand the world you're living in you must look at it from another angle. I do this on a regular basis, but it's hard on my neck sometimes and I tend to fall over at inappropriate times, like when in large moving crowds causing human pile-ups. Whenever people see a human pile-up everyone around has to yell "PILE-UP!!!" and everyone stops what they're doing to jump on. Needless to say I'm somewhere at the bottom trying to figure out the world I'm living in to take my mind off my claustrophobia just before I pass out from lack of oxygen. Getting off of a pile-up is particularly awkward because people realize they can't stay on it forever, no matter how fun it is; so they slowly disengage and continue along their way to their respective destinations without saying a word, or so I'm told, I wouldn't know being at the bottom and all.
I decided the other day to try something different. Just as stupid; but different. I looked in front of me and came to realize that I only see half of my day, everyday. Let me explain: the human set of eyes only sees around 180 degrees of what surrounds them at any given time. No matter how you swivel your head around, there's still that 180 degree patch that you'll never see. This is half of your day that you just don't see (assuming you're not blind; I don't think this will be printed in braille any time soon, sucker (I can make snide remarks because they can't see this)). My plan? I figured I'd like to experience that other half of my day for once and give the forward one a break.
I'd go about my day like any other day, only this time I'm walking backwards and keeping an eye on the things I'd normally completely miss. I considered using mirrors, but they tend to break when I look at them.
I woke up gasping for air; I wanted to see what the back of my head sees all night (a pillow), which didn't make much sense because I can't recall what the front of me sees when I sleep either. It was actually quite the pickle, so I decided I wasn't missing too much during sleep.
I woke up (in the morning this time) ready to start an entirely different day in the life of me.
It was a pretty rough morning. I actually considered bailing out after I fell down the stairs when I was going up them; who falls going up? Honestly. Anyways, I regained my composure and figured it was going to take some getting used to. After successfully getting dressed I went downstairs to eat breakfast; cereal, of course, which I sat down at the table with, but this time I straddled the chair and faced the other way. "Odd", I thought, "I can actually see out the window now. Hey! There's fucking squirrel's in my tomatoes!" I needed to go squirrel fishing sometime soon, but that's another story.
Already I began to really grasp the other side of life; those cheeky squirrels must have been really caught off guard when they saw me watching them. "Busted" they were probably thinking while they looked in at me giving them the finger. I'll get them later; I've got things to do. Well, not really, but I like to pretend I do.
Walking down the street was a very interesting experience. I had no idea what was coming up behind me, but I kind of liked it. I met many angry people that day. I usually don't get to meet people. I got yelled at, honked at by cars that I didn't watch out for, I fell over many times, a couple people kicked me while I was down; this is the human experience at its finest. You'd be surprised how negatively people can be towards someone walking backwards. An old couple sitting on a park bench started nattering awfully loudly as I back-walked by.
"What's this then?"
"EH?"
"I say, look at that man. He's libel to fall and break a hip or hurt himself."
"It's people like that that drain on our healthcare!"
"Stupid kids these days don't even know which direction to walk anymore; things sure have gone out the window."
"If I remembered to bring my ruler I would go and teach that..." she went out of earshot. Silly woman, I know how to measure things with rulers. I'm two feet tall.
Something as simple as walking in the other direction gets people really upset. Unless, of course, this always happens; it IS the other side of my life. Perhaps people are always mean to my backside when I'm not normally looking. I imagine I'm like one of those frosted mini-wheats: where everyone loves my front, frosted side and scowls at my wheat, backside. Either way this isn't a very positive thing and my mind began wondering if everyone secretly only liked one side of me. Some people don't even like my good side, maybe they're the ones who like my backside; how can I please everyone!?
I stumbled backwards in through my front door and fumbled around in my fridge, feeling for the mustard. I figured I should make smiley mustard happy faces on the backs of all my clothes; that should cheer people up. People would smile at me as I walked by and get ready to turn around to flip off my backside, or holler inappropriate slang at me, when they'd be confronted with a mustard stain that resembled a smiley face drawn by a two year-old. "Aww, he's got dumb kids, no wonder he's gone crazy", they'd think as they continue along their way with a smile on their face and a sudden urge to support the hot-dog vending industry. From now on I'm taking mustard from the vendors to support the cost of materials for the advertising.
What did I learn after the day was over? For starters: I need to fashion an extra set of feet facing the opposite direction, I should probably give the mustard face a speech bubble that says "Watch out, honkey!" for when I'm walking backwards, I need to stick to one name for my imaginary two year old so that when people ask me what my kid's name is I can confidently give them a name instead of muttering a bunch of names (Carl-Suzy-Von-Fredrickson) then quickly changing the topic to equestrian sports.
Of course my constant search to discover the perfect angle for life will continue. I still have many different ones to try out and discover. I think I'm going to slide around on a skateboard on my back, propelling myself with my feet, to get a nice "ground's eye view" of you humans. I can just taste the sexual harassment charges when I go by the catholic school.
To really understand the world you're living in you must look at it from another angle. I do this on a regular basis, but it's hard on my neck sometimes and I tend to fall over at inappropriate times, like when in large moving crowds causing human pile-ups. Whenever people see a human pile-up everyone around has to yell "PILE-UP!!!" and everyone stops what they're doing to jump on. Needless to say I'm somewhere at the bottom trying to figure out the world I'm living in to take my mind off my claustrophobia just before I pass out from lack of oxygen. Getting off of a pile-up is particularly awkward because people realize they can't stay on it forever, no matter how fun it is; so they slowly disengage and continue along their way to their respective destinations without saying a word, or so I'm told, I wouldn't know being at the bottom and all.
I decided the other day to try something different. Just as stupid; but different. I looked in front of me and came to realize that I only see half of my day, everyday. Let me explain: the human set of eyes only sees around 180 degrees of what surrounds them at any given time. No matter how you swivel your head around, there's still that 180 degree patch that you'll never see. This is half of your day that you just don't see (assuming you're not blind; I don't think this will be printed in braille any time soon, sucker (I can make snide remarks because they can't see this)). My plan? I figured I'd like to experience that other half of my day for once and give the forward one a break.
I'd go about my day like any other day, only this time I'm walking backwards and keeping an eye on the things I'd normally completely miss. I considered using mirrors, but they tend to break when I look at them.
I woke up gasping for air; I wanted to see what the back of my head sees all night (a pillow), which didn't make much sense because I can't recall what the front of me sees when I sleep either. It was actually quite the pickle, so I decided I wasn't missing too much during sleep.
I woke up (in the morning this time) ready to start an entirely different day in the life of me.
It was a pretty rough morning. I actually considered bailing out after I fell down the stairs when I was going up them; who falls going up? Honestly. Anyways, I regained my composure and figured it was going to take some getting used to. After successfully getting dressed I went downstairs to eat breakfast; cereal, of course, which I sat down at the table with, but this time I straddled the chair and faced the other way. "Odd", I thought, "I can actually see out the window now. Hey! There's fucking squirrel's in my tomatoes!" I needed to go squirrel fishing sometime soon, but that's another story.
Already I began to really grasp the other side of life; those cheeky squirrels must have been really caught off guard when they saw me watching them. "Busted" they were probably thinking while they looked in at me giving them the finger. I'll get them later; I've got things to do. Well, not really, but I like to pretend I do.
Walking down the street was a very interesting experience. I had no idea what was coming up behind me, but I kind of liked it. I met many angry people that day. I usually don't get to meet people. I got yelled at, honked at by cars that I didn't watch out for, I fell over many times, a couple people kicked me while I was down; this is the human experience at its finest. You'd be surprised how negatively people can be towards someone walking backwards. An old couple sitting on a park bench started nattering awfully loudly as I back-walked by.
"What's this then?"
"EH?"
"I say, look at that man. He's libel to fall and break a hip or hurt himself."
"It's people like that that drain on our healthcare!"
"Stupid kids these days don't even know which direction to walk anymore; things sure have gone out the window."
"If I remembered to bring my ruler I would go and teach that..." she went out of earshot. Silly woman, I know how to measure things with rulers. I'm two feet tall.
Something as simple as walking in the other direction gets people really upset. Unless, of course, this always happens; it IS the other side of my life. Perhaps people are always mean to my backside when I'm not normally looking. I imagine I'm like one of those frosted mini-wheats: where everyone loves my front, frosted side and scowls at my wheat, backside. Either way this isn't a very positive thing and my mind began wondering if everyone secretly only liked one side of me. Some people don't even like my good side, maybe they're the ones who like my backside; how can I please everyone!?
I stumbled backwards in through my front door and fumbled around in my fridge, feeling for the mustard. I figured I should make smiley mustard happy faces on the backs of all my clothes; that should cheer people up. People would smile at me as I walked by and get ready to turn around to flip off my backside, or holler inappropriate slang at me, when they'd be confronted with a mustard stain that resembled a smiley face drawn by a two year-old. "Aww, he's got dumb kids, no wonder he's gone crazy", they'd think as they continue along their way with a smile on their face and a sudden urge to support the hot-dog vending industry. From now on I'm taking mustard from the vendors to support the cost of materials for the advertising.
What did I learn after the day was over? For starters: I need to fashion an extra set of feet facing the opposite direction, I should probably give the mustard face a speech bubble that says "Watch out, honkey!" for when I'm walking backwards, I need to stick to one name for my imaginary two year old so that when people ask me what my kid's name is I can confidently give them a name instead of muttering a bunch of names (Carl-Suzy-Von-Fredrickson) then quickly changing the topic to equestrian sports.
Of course my constant search to discover the perfect angle for life will continue. I still have many different ones to try out and discover. I think I'm going to slide around on a skateboard on my back, propelling myself with my feet, to get a nice "ground's eye view" of you humans. I can just taste the sexual harassment charges when I go by the catholic school.
